In those first few early days, one of the strongest encouragements came from the Lord in the affirmation and prayers of a sweet friend who reminded me of a powerful promise, that unbeknownst to her, had been a word the Lord had spoken to me in the midst of my "Roman" health crises some three years ago. A promise I was still clinging to with great expectation. 1 Peter 5:10 declares, "And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."
A little while. I knew that could mean a season of testing, or it could mean the rest of my brief, temporal life. But certainly, my confidence could rest on my glorious Christ who would HIMSELF restore me, confirm me, strengthen me and establish me. Rock solid.
As we drove away from Colorado the miles blurred into one another as we talked and prayed and weighed all our options. I was holding a loose plan in place, anticipating changes and redirection at every step. And that very first visit with my former health care providers left me with more questions than answers, confirming that I needed to move on to the next practitioner on my list.
Of course, there were many confirmations in our discussions with a variety of practitioners. We needed to establish the extent of the cancer and determine the best ways to measure treatment progress. And nearly all were suggesting that I needed to examine my life and recall those things I wished I'd never said and those things I should have said. Perhaps I had bit my tongue, or that perhaps I had a toxic tongue. How can anyone bear the burden of that? How I searched my heart, confessed my sins and pleaded the blood of Jesus against the accuser and embraced His healing grace. I knew that as James said, the man who can tame the tongue is perfect.
I was also strongly encouraged to act quickly to make a decision. The surgeon thought I should act within six weeks, and we had decided to give ourselves two weeks to finalize our decision. And so we continued our pursuit as God providentially provided opportunity for me to attend a cancer convention in Hollywood. While at the conference Kent and I were able to consult with a very thoughtful, Christian doctor who gave us good information and words of wisdom. I gathered several valuable resources, consulted with another doctor, had a phone consult with another clinic, and left Hollywood armed with more resources... and refreshed by the great raw food restaurant we discovered just a mile from the convention center. Nourishment and sustenance.
The uncertainty of the extent of my cancer would lead me to fear and I wrestled to lean upon God and to trust in His love. My pain of heart, my faith so small. And yet.
There was a spark of joy that led me to hope in God, to a confidence and excitement that the glory of God was being displayed in our lives. He was preparing to demonstrate His power in my life in ways I could not anticipate.
Oh, for the courage to believe and to hold tight!
To be continued...
