As the grace rushed in, it unloosed and washed away the debris of diseased thoughts and beliefs. I prayed that God would be pleased to let me be that open channel through which He could pour out His abundance. Oh, the work and labor required to keep myself free from the sludge of law! Mount Zion was my green and fertile hope, so I charged myself to never tread the wayward trails leading back to the terrifying, consuming smoke and choking dust of despairing Mount Sinai.
In loving awe I looked to God and offered up my prayer of surrender and trust. Most strongly, He impressed upon me the loving intention of His discipline. I understood it plainly. I could choose to be exercised by this affliction unto sweet holiness or I could descend into bitterness and more gracelessness. There was no turning back in that sweet tide of love and grace, and so rejoicing in His love and His word, I worked to uncover every root of bitter despair, selfish preservation and cruel condemnation.
He touched me gently with a moment of strength, as I found myself embracing two of my lifetime spiritual mentors on a special Sunday morning of worship. And following that time, I was humbled by the collective prayers of God's people as they lifted up my needs with urgent and confident faith.
As my time at the institute came to a close, I found myself fortified for what came next. And as I said good-bye to new friends, I pondered a very strong impression from God that He will not share His glory with another. I knew that whatever He did in my life it must always reflect His doings and not my own. My healing was from Him and not from a protocol, a positive energy and intention, nor from a new technology or even the most skilled mind and hands of a physician.
All the goodness of my life, all the sweetness, was from Him alone and all His deliverances eternally declare His faithfulness to Himself. I in no way wanted to take any glory for myself, nor hide His bright and pure light of life. My prayers began to focus on removing the dimness of my views of His thoughts and His ways, to see Him in everything. Hannah W. Smith writes, "Nothing else but this -seeing God in everything- will make us loving and patient... Nothing else will completely put an end to the murmuring and rebellious thoughts."
As His ways were revealed, He laid open a way for Kent to be assigned to work with the Navy in San Diego so we could be near the medical supports we had chosen. No small miracle! And so in all of this, I was yet the resilient Army wife, transitioning to yet another assignment. And this one, how perplexing.
Trusting and holding to Him, I prayerfully reached forward- for what blessings await!
To be continued...
