Day of My Deliverance

During this intense period there was a word of great comfort sent to me by my brother, a reminder that my deliverance had been decreed. Jon Bloom writes on his blog entry at www.desiringgod.org of October 14, 2011, that God's compassion is purposeful. It reminded me of an encouragement I received from a friend and elder, to remember that "God is not so much interested in us tracing the roots of such events, but rather pursuing the good purpose for which our sovereign God has intended them."

So Jon Bloom in describing the healing of the woman with the infirmity of 18 years writes, "Jesus’ compassion and this woman’s pain also had had a far-reaching purpose. If you, like this woman, discovered that your seemingly meaningless affliction turned out to be infused with meaning beyond what you imagined possible and resulted in joy inexpressible and filled with glory (1 Peter 1:8) for you and a multitude of others, would it be worth it? Sit down and catch your breath. It is. It’s promised to you (2 Corinthians 4:17)."

Is this not what I most longed for? I had known in every moment that this affliction was not meaningless, but rather filled with glory for myself and others. How would God do that? And yes, oh yes, how I yearned to taste of that inexpressible joy of which I presently only hoped for in my groanings and staggerings.

Whether the staggering was from the multitude of burdens I placed upon myself, or whether from the heavy hand of God upon me, or both, I looked with the eyes of my heart upon the path on which I labored to follow close to Jesus. But it was hard going and I realized that I was cumbered along the way and nearly strangling from the weights of my own struggle and sin. I immediately realized this and cut myself free, dropping all the baggage and handing Jesus my necessary pack of burdens which He gladly carried. At times I could see Him and hear Him spiriting me on, infusing me with confidence, reaching out to lift me up when I scrambled up a steep incline, ever intent on leading me to the higher ground. And then I'd find myself again having gathered burdens to myself, bound around my neck, yet more swiftly now, I dropped them and immediately looked up and continued to move toward Him. His voice, his presence, keeping me on the journey, following after Him. Sometimes wearily, sometimes heartily, always persistently.

As my time at the hospital came to a close, and I realized that my cancer treatment must continue for some time, I again looked up and forward to the glad consolation of God's approaching deliverance and fulfillment of His word, the manifestation of His glory and exaltation of my spirit in joy, along with all His saints.

Kent had to leave me at the hospital to return to Colorado to prepare for the move. In a peaceful anguish, after a good word of hope and encouragement from the hospital chaplain, he left me in the care of God and others. My mother hastily joined me there for the last few days as I prepared to make yet another transition. My heart and mind were overwhelmed within me, my body both weary and improved. Holding on to faith. Trusting beyond my understanding.

My deliverance is coming...

Bloom concluded his thoughts with this: "Today you may say with Job, “my complaint is bitter; my hand is heavy on account of my groaning” (Job 23:2). You may say with Moses, “Return, O Lord! How long? Have pity on your servants. . . Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, and for as many years as we have seen evil” (Psalm 90:13-15).

But you need to know that, like this disabled woman, the patient, purposeful, powerful compassion of God in Christ for you is approaching like a relentless torrent. The day of your deliverance is decreed. It will come with a sudden joy. Every adversary will be shamed. Every tear will be wiped away. And the days he will make you glad will drown the days you have seen evil into glorious and happy oblivion (Romans 8:18)."